Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
