there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
