I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
