she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
