just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
