Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
