as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
