just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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