so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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