I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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