I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
