If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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