Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
