I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
