the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Randomize