My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
