Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize