marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
