im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but donβt have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize