"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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