my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
