Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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