I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
