According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
