that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
