is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize