It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
