My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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