That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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