Do you still have your period?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
