are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize