The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
