you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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