Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
