oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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