Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
