We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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