It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
