I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize