OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
