I have demons in me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Holy shit dude........stairs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
