you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
