He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
