Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize