it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
