WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize