I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
so much tequila, so little girl.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
