Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
