it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
