i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
