before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize