Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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