No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
