Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
