no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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