i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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