oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
