dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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