You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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