i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize