he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How naked do you want me to be?
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