Don't make out with my wife yet
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
