my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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