Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Terrible idea I love it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
