by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
