babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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