Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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