Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
