I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
