He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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